In a recent episode of the R7 podcast, I had the privilege of sitting down with Gary Steffens, a former professional hockey player whose journey from performance-based identity to faith-based purpose offers powerful insights for anyone struggling with questions of self-worth and meaning.
When Your Worth Is Tied to Performance
Gary’s story begins like many elite athletes’. From the outside, his career appeared picture-perfect: playing at the highest levels from a young age, earning full scholarships, competing in national championships, and eventually turning pro. But inside, he was suffering.
“Outwardly, everything just looked amazing,” Gary shared. “But inwardly, I was an absolute disaster. I was struggling with the fear of failure, fear of what people think, performance anxiety, discouragement.”
His identity was completely wrapped up in his performance on the ice. A good game meant he was valuable; a bad game meant he was worthless. This rollercoaster of validation led to anxiety, substance abuse issues, and a deep sense of emptiness.
“If my worth and value is tied to what that coach thinks and that coach, he looked at me and he said, ‘you weren’t what we expected’… that’s a dig into my gut,” Gary explained.
The Turning Point
The pivotal moment came in college when hockey, his “god”—was temporarily taken away from him due to an injury. For the first time, Gary found himself crying out for help, experiencing a peace he couldn’t explain, and beginning to question if there was more to life than his sport.
This started him on a journey to discover a more stable foundation for his identity—one that wouldn’t shift with each performance or others’ opinions. Through his Christian faith, Gary began to understand a profound truth: “Hockey’s what I do. It’s not who I am.”
Two Types of Faith
In our conversation, we explored how there are essentially two lanes of faith operating in our lives:
- Faith in our abilities – The confidence we build through repetition and experience
- Faith in something bigger – Belief in a purpose and identity beyond our performance
The first type can certainly bring temporary fulfillment, but it’s the second type that provides lasting purpose and stability through life’s inevitable peaks and valleys.
The Ladder Against the Wrong Wall
Gary shared a powerful quote that resonated deeply with both of us: “Some people spend their entire life fighting so hard to climb the ladder of success, only in the end to realize that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall.”
This perfectly captures the emptiness many successful people feel after achieving everything they thought would bring fulfillment. True fulfillment, as Gary discovered, comes not from chasing validation through performance but from finding purpose in something eternal.
Living with Unshakable Identity
What’s most remarkable about Gary’s story is how his shift in identity actually improved his performance. By no longer tying his worth to outcomes, he found freedom to play without the crushing pressure of self-validation. His confidence, once his greatest weakness, became his greatest strength.
“When we know our identities in the truth and it’s in Christ, we are set free and we become strong,” Gary reflected. “Our identity is not dependent on circumstances. Therefore, I am strong and stable no matter what circumstances hit my life.”
Finding Your True North
Whether you’re an athlete, business leader, or in any other field, the lesson is universal: When we build our identity on shifting foundations like performance, possessions, or others’ approval, we’re setting ourselves up for a lifetime of anxiety.
But when we anchor our identity in something unchanging—whether that’s faith, core values, or a sense of purpose bigger than ourselves-we find a stability that no success or failure can shake.
As Gary so beautifully summarized:
“My identity in Jesus, true fulfillment is about living for the Lord and for eternity. And what I do is my opportunity to leave a legacy.”
What about you? Where is your ladder leaning?
